The Love Club

To me, it seems that everyone has a best friend, a lover, or a sibling that they can't go a day without talking to, who they connect with intimately, and love more than anything on this earth. There are five types of relationships that I see exhibited.

The Melodramatic PDA Relationship: This is the couple on the train in broad daylight practically giving each other lap dances. These are the people who dart out of the school dance to suck face in the locker room, or maybe in the middle of the dance floor. Undoubtedly, they are in some sort of love, or else they probably wouldn't be displaying it for the entire population. The most common phrase just hear in reference to this type of relationship is "get a room!"

The Cute Couple Who Slow Dance And Talk About Bugs: Maybe that isn't exactly how these relationships work, but that how I'd like to imagine it. Two people who both like each other a whole lot, in the "I have a massive dorky crush on you" sort of way. They learn how to ballroom dance after school and laugh about dumb things together, without completely abandoning all other friendships. Almost no one has a problem with these two, especially if they are over 80 years old.

The Best Best Best Friends: These two do everything and anything together, whether it be watching Wes Anderson movies or bawling about boys whole listening to Buddy Holly. They've likely been friends since preschool or earlier, and will probably wind up living next door to each other in time. They make mix CD's for each other's birthdays and write letters from down the street, sending them snail mail style. The "I stepped out of an indie movie" type of people are usually part of these.

The "I'm Going To Kill Everyone On Earth Please Help" Friendship: everyone has this person in their life, whether it's her that's coming to you at three in the morning screaming and crying, or you going to her. I guarantee, you've had this person in your life at some point. The friendship might not have lasted long, but it was there. It is always a separate person from best best best friend, because ceaseless complaining and emotions really does get in the way of those chocolate banana cookies you were going to make.

The Person That Hates You or You Hate Them But You Can't Live Without: You know, when he breathes you want to snap his neck, but three days later you're in his kitchen making nachos and laughing about bad horror movies. But you can't stand each other. He lies too much and you say snide remarks that he hates, but you are inseparable. You spend more time with him than any other person. But you fight constantly. It never lasts. These friendships are sort of a crash course in how to ruin your emotions.

And that, my comrades, is Ayers' Five Types Of Friendships.